I've allowed my mind to wander for years in an ethereal (aka naive) state, but as I'm turning on 20 I'm realizing where I imagined myself being vs. where I am more and more each day. I'm seeing relationships form that I don't necessarily want to end any time soon and I look at my life plan and see conflicting issues. Although the time is far it's nerve racking to give up the trust, cross that border line, and hope it all works out for the best. I never imagined that one of the hardest things in life would be to let down all of your guards, and just hope that your still accepted.

"Love is not something you look for, love is something you become". Randomly enough as I was watching Adult Swim one late night one of the random commercial strips they had up was a shot of separate x-rays representing a different emotion. What struck me most was that the x-ray emoting love was the largest of them all.

I feel like I've always been looking for something, and now that it's in front of me grasping it and all that entails has been a bit more difficult than I would've ever expected. In all honesty I'm not as confident as I should be, or as I want to be. I attempt to hold a good front and my talk may be, well, exaggerated, but when recently forced to face my insecurities I've had an epiphany that I even have them. It' something I'm dealing with, and trust me when I say I plan to get over very soon. Where is this is going, who's to know. I take everything day by day and cross my fingers. Hopefully the universe will be on my side.