Destryoing the Audience

"The audience destroys the artist until the artist destroys the audience." 
- The Stranger

I hate that I care what other people think and I hate that there is a fear inside of me and all I want to do is burn it until all that I am left with is nothing but conviction and fearlessness. If I could have it my way every day I would wear bright red lipstick only in the center of my lips. My hair would be styled in alien buns and it would be totally acceptable to have sequins be mandatory on all jogging pants or at least highly recommended. But sadly I don't always get to have it my way and as much as I like to believe I can get away with anything if I just have enough confidence I don't feel that way a lot of the time. I have taken on a lot of anxiety over the years being judged on my art work, on my work as a model, and just walking around in my normal attire. 

I came across the quote above a few months ago and have used it as a sort of mantra, chanting it over and over again in my head whenever I feel a lack of confidence, especially with my art work. This weekend was the graduating BFA gallery show with all of my thesis peers and it was such an incredible and relieving experience. I decided to let it all loose that day and dress in the way that I do when I play dress-up in my room: an over-sized gold sequin dress, tuxedo tail jacket, Lolita heels, a heart on my lips and baby's breath wrapped around alien buns. I finally truly felt the meaning of that quote and am able to breath easy realizing that even though I may always care what people think I can never let it stop me from doing what I really want. People will destroy me until I decide to stand up, stop giving a shit and just do it.