Conditions of Unconditional Love

Love unconditionally
But have conditions.
Be back by 8 or tell me why you're late.
Sleep by my side and hug me tight.
Clean up my mess and don't say a word.
Kiss my lips and caress my tongue
But don't mess up my hair or we'll be done.
Cook me dinner and I'll wash the plates.
Clean our house and lie to me about all my mistakes.
Lay with me and smile as you sip the coffee that makes you want to spit it in my face.
Roll a blunt and make smoke rings that I can send you kisses through.
Whisper magic in my ear and I'll blow your mind with my eyes.
Explain that you love me because
& I'll stop you before you start.
Rub my hand and play with my hair
& I'll understand the unconditional terms 
Of you and I.