In Between Joy & Pain

I'm somewhere in between joy and pain.
The desire was consuming.
The photos.
The contacts.
The attention.
Idolization after years of head's turned the other way.
I did it for the head rush.
For the surge of excitement in your veins.
I did it for the sake of art.

But week's of empty bookings lead to questioning careers,
Questioning confidences.
Attention has lead to hours of scrutiny.
By myself.
By that voice deep in my mind.
Everywhere I walk.
No matter what I do.
Every glare is a thought,
Ever step is a decision.

I'm alway's on.

Only behind closed doors,
Deep in the night,
Where the industry doesn't exist,
And it's not always a fight for that next job,
Can I forget about it all.
Release the pain,
Embrase the joy,
And transgress.